why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
