I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
