Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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