I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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