she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
