We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
