The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
