my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize