apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You are a genius and a whore.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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