I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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