i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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