Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
