We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
