Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
