I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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