M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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