before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
