I puked a lego.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
this just has baby written all over it
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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