puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
