Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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