Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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