I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
