Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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