hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
it's great music for shaving your balls
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
