Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
