im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
