Your tits are I can't wait for
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
