There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
