dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
