Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
