I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
