just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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