I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
