It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
