she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
