She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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