never play flip cup with pint glasses
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
