that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
birth control should be required to get into college
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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