If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize