If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize