The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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