I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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