kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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