I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
