She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
