dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize