Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize