Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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