I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
