3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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