I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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