she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
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well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
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No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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