i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
