Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
