yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
