found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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