i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
