I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
