I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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