but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i came on her dog
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
