im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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