I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
