He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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