I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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