dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
