I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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