Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
