i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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