I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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