I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
