weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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