My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
