he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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