Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
