She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
