You just made me feel so damn special
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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